I love this design.  The minute i saw it it seemed to click.  Vision, that's what my life needs to be for the next 5 months.  A vision that carries me into the strength, trust, and courage to move myself, my life, my heart, and eventually my soul into someone else's hands.  i am so torn right now but one word can describe both sides of my struggle.  I am terrified.  Terrified i will find the courage to give myself into someone else's hands, but even more terrified i won't.  I am scared of everything.  Recently, my whole outlook of what idea my future would be has been upended.  The mirage of feelings go from relief to just screaming its not fair. Much of what i am afraid of is security. But more on that later.  This statement makes me pause.. because it seems i am stating that a lot in the last couple months, i will expound on what i am feeling.  I've never been one to bury her feelings.. but lately its all i seem to be doing.  I wonder if our relationship will ever have the closeness i ache for, and i think that's what terrifies me, the relationship i thought we would have, has now been delegated to a casual wall-encased relationship forever.  i just don't want that.  I don't want the only thing we share to be a day here or night there, when he wants to "play."  i want a life with him, i want to be a part of his life, i want to share ALL of his life. I just don't know what to do.